HOUSE 'World Champion Italian National Soccer Team, Squadra Azzurra struggled against Team USA, defeated by Egypt and Brazil. There's no breathing problem and nothing that can refer to pasta or pizza.
FOREMAN 'It's neurological, maybe toxin.
HOUSE 'Urinalysis or blood tests only with the permission of the Italian Goverment. Cuddy is already on it, but I don't think that's gonna work. Any ideas? Nothing? Good. Let's see a cool drum player and a quite good band producing heavy metal albums influent in the late eighties after losing their bassist, with the same producer guy they failed to produce any decent stuff with ten years later.
CHASE 'Metallicitis?
HOUSE 'Idiot. Metallica was a metaphore.
CAMERON 'Inversive Ferguson syndrome!
HOUSE 'Right. Brain biopsy for the coach!
***
CAMERON 'The biopsy...
HOUSE '...was negative to Ferguson but positive to Cruyff.
CAMERON 'How do you know that?
HOUSE 'Until the prohibition, Lippi used to smoke cigars beside the field. Since he hasn’t, his brain’s had to compensate the lack of nicotine in his system and started to produce more and more football. Soccer actually. After some time, the amount massively surpassed the normal rate, therefore the team had to compensate it with anti-football.
CHASE 'There was no negative football in the second half. What if it’s Gattuso-disease? The system produces testosterone in such an amount that the telencephalon stops functioning.
HOUSE 'Okay, I put that one on my board, but only because your hair is cute. Have you seen those legs by the way? Not hairy at all. It's female pseudo-hermaphroditism. In a certain phase of the menses the system produces lots of estrogens, which cause a reaction in the body. It would normally react by producing more testosterone, but due to the Cryuff-syndrome it's not testosterone but football. It explains everything; the overreactions, the attitude and the impressive football, too.
CAMERON 'Pseudo-hermaphroditism and Cryuff? What are the chances?
HOUSE 'Actually, it is more likely than a goalkeeper making three clean sheets in a row behind a defense led by Cannavaro. It fits completely. Cameron and Chase go and have a look at the players’ genitals! Foreman, go get a vuvuzela from the bros!
CUDDY 'Are you crazy?! What the hell made you think that the Italian national football team consists of females?
HOUSE 'I absolutely understand you can't resist those waxed black hairdos and tight asses, but it was a hell of a joke, you have to give that.
CUDDY 'Are you high?
HOUSE 'I can’t really say... Do you think I am?
CUDDY 'House, you are off the case!
HOUSE 'It's totally unnecessary. The patient is fine. Not pathologic unless it counts to have a defensive midfielder as number ten, and a bloke as captain, who is so miserable that even the opponents’ forwards feel pity for him. Both of them consider themselves as true leaders, but they lie.They need a real ’duche’ and a good striker, but we can't help 'em with that.